1/21/20

I thought I was going to do better today -  I was ready, but when I got there, I froze and maybe it was partially contributed to the shame I had from yesterday and maybe the shame of cutting although that wasn’t really on the forefront of my mind. I haven’t really been talking to … Continue reading 1/21/20

1/4/20

Of course, as soon as I sent that last document, my mental state plummeted, and I find myself so overwhelmed to the point that I am seriously considering hospitalization. I’m not at the point yet where I feel completely unsafe, but I know I’m heading down that way rapidly. It terrifies me to even mention … Continue reading 1/4/20

4/26/19-5/24/19

I don’t know if you remembered or not; I don’t expect you to, but when we last met, it was the exact date of our last session last year and when I went to the hospital. When you asked at the session before about when I could meet next, I already knew that I wanted … Continue reading 4/26/19-5/24/19

2/19/19

Thoughts after session with Hank Today’s session felt unproductive, and I didn’t get to ask him about housing accommodation paperwork or the communication consent forms. We started the session off with him asking me how I was doing. I said I was doing okay to which he responded by asking if I was really okay. … Continue reading 2/19/19

July 2018 Update

An update from Nicole to Taylor explaining things that have happened so far over the summer break since the hospital Hey, I just wanted to give you an update of what has been happening over the past few months. I sort of just put everything that has been happening in here just to explain everything, … Continue reading July 2018 Update

10/20/18

10/20/18 Explanation and Thoughts of Recent Events Addressed to Nicole's counselor Here is an explanation of everything that has happened prior to my hospitalization, what happened the night of, what happened during my stay, and what has happened afterwards. As for what happened leading up to being there, it started about three weeks ago, when … Continue reading 10/20/18

The Painful Wait Continues

Thursday, April 26, 2018 7:00 pm A nurse comes out to them and tells them they now have a room ready. Nicole's mind continues to spin as she sees her captivity is only steps away. She looks one last time at the sliding doors before she follows the nurse back to a room in the … Continue reading The Painful Wait Continues

Remembering and Missing

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM One, two, three, … seventeen.I count the healing wounds on my skin.I trace each one with my fingers,feeling the ridges and creases of pink discolored scars.I rub each one tenderly,remembering and missing the pain of each one opening,the nostalgia of each cut made. Again, I rub my healing wrist, promising myself … Continue reading Remembering and Missing

Silencing Her Mind

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM Thoughts whip and beat around her mind;the urges pull at her, pleading,“Just one cut, just one slice;”they beg, “just one please.”She rolls back her sleeve, runs her fingers across the ridges of old cuts,the dried bloody lines, the peeling broken skin,the rough calloused scars.Her wrist stares up at her, Scarred and … Continue reading Silencing Her Mind

The Wait

Nicole and the officer pull out of the parking lot with Taylor close behind them. They make the twenty minute drive to the emergency room in Rottingdam. The officer drives all the way up to door to drop Nicole off while Taylor parks. Nicole stands there at the doors waiting, feeling awkward and out of … Continue reading The Wait