2/10/2020

First thing I wanted to mention before everything else is that I have been a bit gentler with myself with some things in some situations over the past week. I don’t remember exactly with what, but I remember noticing that I was being a bit kinder and gentler a few times with myself. Now to … Continue reading 2/10/2020

2/3-4/2020

2/3/2020 During sessions, I was/am having a very difficult time speaking, so one day, my therapist and I tried communicating by having me type to him on my computer, then hand it to him to read and respond to so that we could keep a conversation going and not end up in the same cycle … Continue reading 2/3-4/2020

1/21/20

I thought I was going to do better today -  I was ready, but when I got there, I froze and maybe it was partially contributed to the shame I had from yesterday and maybe the shame of cutting although that wasn’t really on the forefront of my mind. I haven’t really been talking to … Continue reading 1/21/20

1/20/20

The same thing that happened last week with my voice failing me happened today. I was already afraid that I was going to have a difficult time with speaking, and I guess since I was so afraid of that happening again, I was paralyzed by that fear which resulted in my voice not cooperating and … Continue reading 1/20/20

1/6/20

Originally, I wasn’t going to write up one of these, but over the week, I remembered a bunch of things I wanted to mention. First thing, I finally found a word that I like for these documents: reflections. Second thing, I would really like to share the video of the play I wrote for my … Continue reading 1/6/20

1/4/20

Of course, as soon as I sent that last document, my mental state plummeted, and I find myself so overwhelmed to the point that I am seriously considering hospitalization. I’m not at the point yet where I feel completely unsafe, but I know I’m heading down that way rapidly. It terrifies me to even mention … Continue reading 1/4/20

12/10/19-1/3/20

12/10/19 There was so much more I wanted to say today. I wanted to tell you about how that theme of feeling like a problem has carried over into being here at school like in tuition, books, transportation, counseling/therapy and medication, ER trips and hospital stays, etc. My mind always goes to the “solution” of … Continue reading 12/10/19-1/3/20

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Please Share

I’m struggling financially so if you would please share this, I’d really appreciate it, and I’m praying God will provide for me through this fundraiser. https://www.gofundme.com/f/v4eay-medical-bills?utm_medium=email&utm_source=product&utm_campaign=p_email%2B4904-welcome-wp-v5

10/1/19

I came into session carrying so much shame. I also knew that this session was not going to be good or productive, because the last one went so well. The day after we first met this semester, Wednesday, I gave into the urges to cut in the late afternoon. I skipped work and class that … Continue reading 10/1/19

Negative Aspects of Childhood

These are the memories that I can remember being negative though I’m sure there’s more, but here are the most readily accessible ones. The majority happened in the second half of my childhood more in my teen years as those are easier to remember, but I don’t know if that’s technically considered childhood. I’ll probably … Continue reading Negative Aspects of Childhood