July 2018 Update

An update from Nicole to Taylor explaining things that have happened so far over the summer break since the hospital Hey, I just wanted to give you an update of what has been happening over the past few months. I sort of just put everything that has been happening in here just to explain everything, … Continue reading July 2018 Update

12/12/18

12/12/18 after session thoughts I am actually really proud of myself for talking as much as I did and for some of the times I spoke, with a somewhat decent voice that wasn’t too croaky. This is the most pride I have felt since that theatre performance I did back in October. My goal for … Continue reading 12/12/18

10/20/18

10/20/18 Explanation and Thoughts of Recent Events Addressed to Nicole's counselor Here is an explanation of everything that has happened prior to my hospitalization, what happened the night of, what happened during my stay, and what has happened afterwards. As for what happened leading up to being there, it started about three weeks ago, when … Continue reading 10/20/18

Remembering and Missing

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM One, two, three, … seventeen.I count the healing wounds on my skin.I trace each one with my fingers,feeling the ridges and creases of pink discolored scars.I rub each one tenderly,remembering and missing the pain of each one opening,the nostalgia of each cut made. Again, I rub my healing wrist, promising myself … Continue reading Remembering and Missing

Silencing Her Mind

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM Thoughts whip and beat around her mind;the urges pull at her, pleading,“Just one cut, just one slice;”they beg, “just one please.”She rolls back her sleeve, runs her fingers across the ridges of old cuts,the dried bloody lines, the peeling broken skin,the rough calloused scars.Her wrist stares up at her, Scarred and … Continue reading Silencing Her Mind

Panic Attack

A rope around my necka bag over my headplastic across my facechoking on my tongue My breath is stolenOxygenI’m deprivedMy throat is constrictingMy lungs collapsing A stabbing in my chestMy heart’s poundingFeels though it may burst Light begins to fadeMy brain is shutting down My hands tremblePins and needles overtake themMy limbs, numb and bound … Continue reading Panic Attack

Limits

One bite, One sip, Each are filled with guilt.   A second bite, A second sip, How sorely they are missed.   A third of both Causes mounds of shame.   So, No more calories, No more pounds, No more pain. EC

The Wait

Nicole and the officer pull out of the parking lot with Taylor close behind them. They make the twenty minute drive to the emergency room in Rottingdam. The officer drives all the way up to door to drop Nicole off while Taylor parks. Nicole stands there at the doors waiting, feeling awkward and out of … Continue reading The Wait

Pray For Me?

Thursday, April 26, 2018 Nicole takes out her phone and responds to the messages she has received from her friends, Marie, Leigha, and Matt. Matt saw the message she sent to the group chat and is concerned. The previous times she asked for prayers like this, it was on late nights when she was struggling … Continue reading Pray For Me?

The Final Session Continues

Thursday, April 26, 2018 4:19 p.m. Nicole sends a Snapchat message to her Cru group message and asks for prayer. She doesn't give any specifics but just asks them to pray for her. She suspects something is going to happen and that she will be taken to the hospital. When Taylor returns to the office … Continue reading The Final Session Continues