2/10/2020

First thing I wanted to mention before everything else is that I have been a bit gentler with myself with some things in some situations over the past week. I don’t remember exactly with what, but I remember noticing that I was being a bit kinder and gentler a few times with myself. Now to … Continue reading 2/10/2020

2/3-4/2020

2/3/2020 During sessions, I was/am having a very difficult time speaking, so one day, my therapist and I tried communicating by having me type to him on my computer, then hand it to him to read and respond to so that we could keep a conversation going and not end up in the same cycle … Continue reading 2/3-4/2020

1/27/20

I was trying so hard. The harder I tried, the harder it was to do the thing I wanted to do. I wanted to move down on the floor, and I was trying to, but no movement would work, like with the speaking part at the end; there was no way I was going to … Continue reading 1/27/20

1/21/20

I thought I was going to do better today -  I was ready, but when I got there, I froze and maybe it was partially contributed to the shame I had from yesterday and maybe the shame of cutting although that wasn’t really on the forefront of my mind. I haven’t really been talking to … Continue reading 1/21/20

1/20/20

The same thing that happened last week with my voice failing me happened today. I was already afraid that I was going to have a difficult time with speaking, and I guess since I was so afraid of that happening again, I was paralyzed by that fear which resulted in my voice not cooperating and … Continue reading 1/20/20

1/6/20

Originally, I wasn’t going to write up one of these, but over the week, I remembered a bunch of things I wanted to mention. First thing, I finally found a word that I like for these documents: reflections. Second thing, I would really like to share the video of the play I wrote for my … Continue reading 1/6/20

1/4/20

Of course, as soon as I sent that last document, my mental state plummeted, and I find myself so overwhelmed to the point that I am seriously considering hospitalization. I’m not at the point yet where I feel completely unsafe, but I know I’m heading down that way rapidly. It terrifies me to even mention … Continue reading 1/4/20

12/10/19-1/3/20

12/10/19 There was so much more I wanted to say today. I wanted to tell you about how that theme of feeling like a problem has carried over into being here at school like in tuition, books, transportation, counseling/therapy and medication, ER trips and hospital stays, etc. My mind always goes to the “solution” of … Continue reading 12/10/19-1/3/20

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Please Share

I’m struggling financially so if you would please share this, I’d really appreciate it, and I’m praying God will provide for me through this fundraiser. https://www.gofundme.com/f/v4eay-medical-bills?utm_medium=email&utm_source=product&utm_campaign=p_email%2B4904-welcome-wp-v5

10/1/19

I came into session carrying so much shame. I also knew that this session was not going to be good or productive, because the last one went so well. The day after we first met this semester, Wednesday, I gave into the urges to cut in the late afternoon. I skipped work and class that … Continue reading 10/1/19